Pacer's Picks - Exclusive MM.com Interview

We were fortunate enough to sit down with Pacer, one weekend in to his quest to become the first dog to win the MarchManiacs.com Bracket Contest. Here are some of the insights from a remarkable interview with a true competitor.

(Editor's Note: Pacer made his selection through a series of timed fetches, selecting teams by the speed of retrieval. 67 fetches were completed in all before settling on Oklahoma over UConn in the Final)


Maniac: Pacer, tough first week. You are currently in last, and have already lost one of your Final Four (Florida State). Do you still have a shot at this thing?

Pacer: Of course I do. No one else has Oklahoma cutting down the nets. Have you seen Blake Griffin recently? That guy is a beast, a total pit bull. I think he could go Danny Manning and carry that team all the way. Plus, I have Michigan State in the Final Four. Most of you kittens have Louisville, Pitt, North Carolina and UConn/Memphis. When things start getting a little chaotic, I'll be smiling.

Maniac: You definitely took some chances with some bold picks. It takes some balls to pick someone outside the five that everyone loved coming in.

Pacer: Ironic you mention balls. I have gotten even more ballsy with my pick since...well, since the "incident." It's been two years since and rarely a day goes by I don't look under the couch or in a closet for 'em... I mean they don't just disappear.... When I find the guy responsible, you better believe I'm gonna -

Maniac: Um, yeah. Anyway. Nice job on the Western Kentucky, Arizona, and Dayton picks.

Pacer: Yup.

Maniac: Not so good on the North Dakota State, Portland State, CS Northridge and American picks. Seriously, American?

Pacer: Damn right American. You better believe I am supporting any school called "American." You know in some of the countries they are outsourcing your jobs to, they'd eat me. Literally, eat me.

Maniac: That's kinda racist.

Pacer: Sorry Mr. "Politically Correct." This from the guy who made a Special Olympics joke in last year's tourney column! Sheesh, who do you think you are, Barack Obama?!?

Maniac: Moving on. Pacer, I know college hoops is one of your true passions, along with fetching, peeing on trees and licking yourself. However, given your hectic schedule and limited game viewing this season, what was your biggest challenge in filling out your brackets?

Pacer: The lack of opposable thumbs. Seriously, it is a real bitch to do this thing without thumbs.

Maniac: I can imagine.

Pacer: Plus, I feel a little singled out by most of the people in the pool, like there is a giant target on my back. It is like being surrounded by two dozen Michael Vicks.

Maniac: Seriously, a Mike Vick joke? Isn't that a little 2007? You can do better.

Pacer: Agreed, agreed. You could do better too, "Mr. College Basketball Expert." You really think Purdue and Gonzaga are going to the Final Four and that Xavier is toppling Pitt? And they say I'm the one with my head in my crotch?

Maniac: Those picks might have been hasty, but at least I didn't go chalk like most of the people in this pool.

Pacer: Woof, woof, I hear you there. Looks like I'm not the only one missing my balls! (pause) Come on dude, that wasn't pretty good? Way better than the Vick joke.

Maniac: Yep.

Pacer: I am looking forward to the games this week though, it is a really great Sweet 16.

Maniac: Any teams you really like this week?

Pacer: I like UConn, and, well, obviously I root Gonzaga. The Kennel is one of my favorite arenas. Other than that, just going to enjoy the games. I am for sure rooting against Villanova, Pitt and Arizona.

Maniac: Huh?

Pacer: You know, the whole cats and dogs thing...

Maniac: It is a long shot, but how do you feel about possibly beating several humans in this pool, even as a dog?

Pacer: You know, I think the whole "oh, you're an animal" thing is a little over rated. I mean, look at last year. Your horse's ass brother in law won the whole thing! The year before your Mom won, and she's a real-

Maniac: Watch it.

Pacer: -ly great grandmother who doesn't know that that much about basketball. Sheesh, relax man. So touchy.

Maniac: Any parting words of wisdom?

Pacer: Sure. You know why a dog licks his crotch?

Maniac: Yes. I've heard that joke.

Pacer: DO ya!! Do ya know why?!?!

Maniac: Yeah. Seriously. Please stop.

Pacer: Because HE CAN! Ha ha ha ha... ha ha ha ha (laughing uncontrollably). Get it?? Because he CAN! I...LOVE...that joke! Ha ha ha ha.

Maniac: One last chance. Anything prescient in parting?

Pacer: (licking himself)

Maniac: Pace? Hello!

Pacer: (still licking himself)

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